Coronization of Courtesy

Will COVID impact our manners?

Sep 22, 2020

Joining bits and pieces, the supernatural power pulled off an evolution. He, deliberately, left a thread of line, which would later on emerge to set human apart from their animal counterparts. No doubt, that’s the power of judgement, of right and wrong, of good and evil. And sometimes it’s worth asking to what extent have we mastered our judgements, not of situations but of persons. Isn’t it strange that we form an opinion about someone within a blink of an eye?

People judge you for your appearances, your apparels and a lot many things that even you may not know about yourself! But one thing that leaves a long-enduring impact is manners, or common courtesy. Mankind is man‘kind’ for a reason. We are supposed to behave in adherence to a moral standard that is either set by the society or is implied to be self-taught. And that’s for the good, for us, for everyone. And in such a judgement-approval framework, won’t people judge us if we do not leave up to their expectations? Well, that’s our point of discussion today…

The Pandemic! None had seen it coming! No déjà vu! As I had written in a previous article — “Life’s like Snakes and Ladders, you know? It just happens and you just know, but only when the dice rolls!” Who would have known something of this magnitude will break out and intimidate the entire globe! Had we sensed a pandemic approaching, perhaps we could have pre-cautioned ourselves or alternatively, planned a vacation to Mars in one of Elon Musk’s spacecrafts! ~ pun intended ;-)

But obviously, we didn’t know anything of that sort! And right now, it feels impossible to predict what the world will look like next week, let alone next year. Yet, behavioral science experts suggest that COVID-19 will transform our daily lives in the long run. The changes in progress — some predictable, others still hard to fathom — started emerging as soon as case counts began to escalate. Talk of washing hands frequently, sanitizing, social distancing, stock-piling of essential items, these are all primarily fear-motivated. However, Yale School of Medicine’s health psychologist Valeria Martinez-Kaigi comments - “fear-based behavior modification is not proven to be sustainable.” But that doesn’t mean that these habits will disappear any time soon. Pandemics in the past have proven this fact, for instance, after the 1918 influenza pandemic came to a state of rest, the etiquette of ‘Spitting is unlawful’ became mainstream, which people had never thought of before!

And while COVID has changed the definition of health care and safety, it has, more importantly, made people question their priorities. And amidst this psychological revolution, manners are up for a drastic change.

A few weeks back, I had been outdoors for some errands (with all precautions). I was on my way back home, when I met a friend. We discussed the obvious topic of COVID figures and numbers (abiding by social distancing norms, of course), and then it was time to bid adieu (goodbye). As customary as it was, he forwarded his right hand towards me for a gentle handshake. I had my ground rules on point, so I hesitated to greet him back and all I could do was put on a smile (though he didn’t notice that as we had masked!) He mockingly replied with a laugh and then, we parted ways. Although I wasn’t wrong, his reactions got me thinking. To refuse to shake someone’s hand is a full-blown insult, isn’t it? After all, it’s a common courtesy. But guys, as Jodi Smith quotes —

“Etiquette is always evolving, it's never set in stone. What's set in stone is the idea of respect for myself and respect for others.”

Anyway, it’s worth thinking what makes a simple Handshake so significant? Well, if you want to say - ‘Nice to meet you’, ‘It’s my pleasure’, ‘Had a good time with you’, ‘Let’s open for business’, ‘Congratulations’, ‘Happy Birthday’ or a lot many things without uttering a word, a simple handshake would suffice! Shaking hands traditionally signalled a lack of aggression. The open palm holds no weapon, and while locked with someone else’s, you cannot draw one. When we shake hands with strangers, we’re presenting our whole selves to them, and in mere seconds asking - “Are we equal? Are you reliable? Are we connecting?”

Quality of handshake is a parameter for judging individuals, especially in business negotiations. We were taught in our CA management skills training that unless you are confident that you can shake hands well, never ever extend your hand (voluntarily) towards the interviewer in an interview! And rightfully so. The power is not in swinging hands up and down, but in the hand-to-hand intimacy. Touch builds trust. We rate that touch. Is the grip strong, firm or weak? We use these bits of information (sometimes, overuse them) to make an assessment about integrity. Not only that, even informally, it’s a great way to convey friendship, care and love. And if handshakes are so deeply-rooted in our culture, can we avoid them permanently?

For sometime now, it may be out of fashion. But it seems unlikely to be dead forever. This is not the first time that we’re realising how handshakes could be infectious. In fact, it has been there since ages. Even during the 1918 pandemic, people feared shaking hands. But ultimately, it re-occupied the mainstream. So, may be, while trying to avoid handshakes, another pre-caution could be to take care of our hands. Anyway, getting rid of this greeting entirely will be for the better. The end of this act might free us from superficial judgements. And, of course, we could stop spreading so many germs.

How to greet then, you ask? Well, why not just ‘stop, drop and nod’ instead? Or perhaps, for us, Indians, we won’t get a better opportunity to popularize our ‘Namaste’ ..what say? Let’s Namaste in the new normal!

And that’s not all! How many times have you received an RSVP invitation to a wedding ceremony, a birthday party or a housewarming party, but you couldn’t attend? And what were the consequences? It’s sometimes like - ‘You didn’t attend my sister’s wedding, I won’t attend your son’s birthday.’ And then we are even! Strange, isn’t it? Pre-covid, I remember.. whenever we, friends, used to plan a picnic over a WhatsApp group, and some flaker would come up with his usual excuse of being unable to attend it, there would be a furious battle of words for the next hour or so. But the dynamics have changed now. Recently, our boys were planning a meet during this lockdown! A group of us, including me, rejected the proposal citing safety as the reason. And gladly, there wasn’t much of a deliberation. Time has changed, indeed!

Now-a-days, unlike past times, people don’t consider health as an excuse! Earlier citing cough or headache as a reason for absence in schools was looked down upon as being a mere excuse (fairly because that was the most usual one!) Today, you tell someone that you have cough, they will, themselves, ask you to stay away from everyone else (actually they meant - from them). Well, that’s for the good. Inability to attend occasions and celebrations would no longer be seen as a societal crime or dis-respect. In fact, this gives rise to a new form of respect, for people’s time, for people’s life and their choices. New ways of showing presence like a video message will emerge, and that’ll be a new excitement on its own. And that is something, I hope, stays long.

Lol ;-)

Well, there’s a lot more. Think about this —

A smile won’t be enough, unlike it used to be. Now, that has to be accompanied by a sound, probably “haha”. In short, facial gestures will lose importance, well, atleast till we keep using masks. Instead, salutes, thumps up, waving hands from far, etc. would gain popularity.

For good reasons, patting and touching pets and babies will be avoided.

Sharing of food will be avoided. And oh, the good old party custom of clicking glasses and ‘cheers’ ..that will only be good old now, it may not find a place in the new normal.

We will no longer be judged as unfriendly, egoistic or too sophisticated for refusing to strike up a conversation with strangers, whether masked or not. Altering our paths to avoid others will no longer be seen as rude.

Refusing to donate some cash to the homeless won’t attract a dozen stare of eyes.

“No, please, after you” will vanish! Because none will like to hold the door for you, after all it isn’t safe to hold that handle for so long, is it? To step aside and let someone pass means to let that person too close!

Perhaps you won’t regret being unable to help a late-arriver get in the elevator, and just let the door close in his face. Why? Because, an elevator switch is seen as the most vulnerable place to touch.

No longer will you hesitate to ask the owner of a restaurant to put a coughing person out of the place.

One peculiar habit of hoarding might rise! Stock piling of food and other essentials have already been spotted. Cleaning products will vanish from the shelves as rapidly as they appear.

We, the Indians, have gained ill-repute for our impatience! One good thing that this pandemic could teach us is to stand and wait in a queue. I had been to a retail mart, a few months back, and I was really pleased to see the shoppers waiting for their turn to come, with visible patience for others to clear narrow aisles.

One big concern is that people may end up being more selfish. But you see, this time, the pandemic is different. Unless you are safe yourself, you are putting each of your acquaintance in danger. Hence, even if it means we become a bit more confined to ourselves, health and safety has to come first. This pandemic will teach people to say ‘NO’ to stuff that compromises with their health and safety, atleast we can hope so.

This way, if you keep thinking, a whole lot of thing is going to change. And you might have noticed that amidst all these behavioral dynamics, one thing that will definitely change is how people judge others. And that’s for the better. Ergo, we can tell the upcoming generation that we passed on some really good things for them!

And as Emily Post rightfully states —

“Manners are a sensitive awareness of the feelings of others.

If you have that awareness, you have good manners; no matter what fork you use.”

Let’s reimagine and recreate a world that embraces everyone with ease.

~ To Good Manners and a New Normal ~

So, hey fellas, hope you loved this interesting article. After some heavy informative topics, I’ll occasionally write some light-hearted articles like this one. And hope you keep showering your love for the blog as you have done in the past.

I think this is a must share to all your WhatsApp groups and whatever connection you have in Fb, IG or LI coz people should realise the importance of some bright changes on our way ahead. Unless we understand and think of these changes, by detaching ourselves from the orthodox beliefs, it’ll be really difficult for us to embrace them, as and when time demands. So, guys, please share it with your friends and family.

What are other manners that, you feel, might turn out to be a casualty of coronavirus? Amidst all these uncertainties, how certain are we to accept every change that comes in our way ahead? Will these changes last? What’s a change you hope to bring about in your life, post-pandemic?

- Do share your views. I’ll be more than happy to know your opinion.

Gen Z's Words

Discussion about this post